Five Little Worms

The dark clouds built up around Mount Snoopy. The sun struggled to break through its cold wall of mist.

The five little worms sat there, rather confused. For some strange reason, they had no recollection of how they had got up onto the ledge. All they knew was, they’d have a hell of a job getting down.

“We,” Sonny, the lanky one, said. “Are going to have one hell of a job getting down from here.”

Patty, who was the dopey worm, looked at Sonny. “Oh, I don’t know. I think there’s a rather nice view from here.”

“God damn it, Patty! Are you stupid?” Jelly frowned. “No, actually, don’t answer that one. The thing is, we can’t see a bloody thing from up here, so how, do you conclude that we have ‘got a good view?’”

Patty just sat there dumbly.

“Oh, go back to sleep!” Jelly sighed.

Their situation was rather bleak. Monty, the brainy one, stood on the last point on the ledge and looked down.

“Ok,” Monty said. “This is the deal. I guess we are about 500 metres from the edge, I mean, I can’t even see the bottom – that is very bad.

“There is a strong wind building up, so we are in danger of getting blown off – that is very bad. We brought Patty with us – that is extremely bad!

“I need to go for a crap and for you lot, well you have no idea how bad
that could be!

“So start thinking – any ideas?”

“Fly?” Patty said.

Sandles, the crazy worm, spoke with a slight hint of sarcasm in his voice. “What a good idea! Let’s fly! But hang on Patty, darn, I don’t have
any wings. Do you?”

Patty spoke only realising. “Oh, no. I don’t.”

“Well if you will all please bear with me, I have an idea.” Said Sandles.

Sonny turned to Monty. “Oh God! He said ‘bear with me’, that means it’ll be long and boring!”

“Long and boring? Oh no Sonny.” Sandles said.

“What is it then?”

“Jump.” Sandles said with a thoroughly-convincing smile on his face, and then he sat down.

The other four were not as convinced, well the other three. Patty was trying to count how many elephants he could see.

Jelly was about to put his hand up to speak when he realised he didn’t have one. “Wouldn’t that be, em, slightly dangerous?”

Sandles held onto his smile.

“Yep.” He said.

The other worms started to mutter among themselves.

“Yes I know my idea isn’t the sanest, but,” He grinned, “Have you got any better ones?”

Sonny spoke. “Well it is our only option, isn’t it?”

Monty got up angrily, the wind blowing in his face. “Have ye all gone mad?! This is total stupidity!”

Patty butted in. “I’m not sure if I like blue or yellow most. What do you think?”

“Please shut up Patty.” Monty said. “What we need is a leader, not a reaper. I reckon we vote for it.”

“Democracy?” Someone said.

“Yeah, why not.” Monty continued. “Should be a laugh.”

Jelly questioned the motion. “What, would we be voting for?”

“A leader.” Said Monty. “Or if you want to die, jump.”

“Alright then.” Sandles said.

And the two candidates eyed each other up.

All the worms hurried around the ledge as they decided what to vote for.

Monty shouted aloud. “Let the referendum begin!”

And so the vote was made.

10 minutes later, they all announced how they voted.

Monty stood up. “I vote for a leader. And that leader to be me.”

“I’m opting for the jump.” Said Sandles. Still smiling.

They all looked at Sonny. “At the moment, the jump is our only solid. So I’m going for it.”

“2-1 to jumping! Jelly?!” Sandles said.

“I vote for a leader. I vote for Monty.”

Monty rolled his eyes to heaven and thanked God. One more vote to be cast.

“Well I’d love to jump!!!” Patty screamed happily and quite unnecessarily.

Monty’s eyes flung themselves out of their sockets, bounced off the ground, into his nostrils. Only to slide down his windpipe to finish beside his heart at the bottom of his stomach.

“Yeehah!!! I win, okay, lets do it.” Sandles didn’t say anything else. He just jumped. “Aaggggghhhhhhhhh!”

Then Patty charged for the edge, but Monty sprang in his way before he could leap.

“Patty – please – don’t do it! Jelly, Sonny, don’t jump. We can make it down safely.”

“But, what about democracy?”

“Screw democracy!” Monty went up to the edge and looked round at them.

“Trust me!”

And so the four remaining worms treaded softly and walked slowly as they followed Monty’s every move down the steep cliff face. And eventually, after a good deal of time, they reached the bottom of Mount Snoopy.

As they sat there on a hill by a solitary tree, they could see a crippled wheelchair bound Sandles. They couldn’t hear what he was saying.

But they could make out that he was moaning.

Jelly turned to Monty. “Why did you stop us from jumping?”

Monty smiled. “Well buddy, sometimes in life, no matter how much we are against it, there will be a need for a leader. Oh yes, democracy works, but only to a point.

For without a leader, what we would we do, if democracy went mad?”

THE END (Again, My Deepest Apologies)

Written By Shane Ferguson
On The 14th October 1997