Souls Long Past

I cannot help but wonder where she is. And if she still loves me, if ever indeed she did.

From the tormented breaking heart that slowed my life to a stop, to this moment when I reflect, I wonder at what point I stopped thinking about myself and stayed clinging to the thought of souls long past.

It makes you wonder is there such a thing as memories, or are they just the Souls ‘signposts’ in how one should live. For when something can still affect you 3 years on, surely that brings more depth and bite than a memory ever can.

True, at first the pain and loneliness was unbearable. A loss of trust and grief for something you thought was real. But now, it has been replaced by something different, a more personal feeling of a moment in my life.

Is it a way of saying I am a safe distance away from it now? And should maybe keep walking away?

I don’t know if I can.

There are words never said, and ones said too much between us. There is also the small matter of closure. To say, ‘I hope you are happy’ and to really mean it.

Because despite the heartache, the death of that love, the creation of illusion, I really do hope she is smiling.

She went through something terrible, I saw it happen, and it knocked me too. And when it happened, life moved on.