The Morning Train

The commuter is one of the most intriguing species known to man. With their ability to spot a chair from 20 feet, coupled with this amazing chameleonic skill of standing silent for an hour in case they don’t get one in time, they are extremely versatile and at times – very dangerous.

Oh yes, when the doors of the morning train open, a vicious fight begins for space. I myself have seen 70-year-old ladies throw manners to the wind. Unfortunately, as survival is a must, you end up fighting fire with fire.

First instinct is to look for a chair. This is all down to luck however, you either go left or right. Once you choose your direction, if you turn back there is little or know hope for you.

With all the seats taken, it is so important to make sure you get a good standing position. That is why you keep going.

That is why you must never turn back!

If you are lucky enough to get a seat, the journey is stunning. Through no means due to the scenery but purely to the sensation of relief from not having to stand.

If however you do have to stand, the etiquette is as follows; firstly grab hold of the nearest yellow railing (you will need a firm grip), secondly stare into a space that does not infringe on somebody else’s space, or head (never look them in the eye, never look them in the eye), thirdly shut down and shut up and hope the train driver is in a hurry.